Tourist Begins Fifth Consecutive Day Hopelessly Lost In Opryland Hotel Atriums

According to eyewitness reports, David Wentworth of Sacramento, CA entered the vast atriums of the Opryland Hotel four days ago and has yet to successfully navigate his way out.  His family, lodged in a third-floor room of the luxury hotel, expresses that they are distraught by the situation, but remain confident he will find his way back.

opryland

“Dave is a survivor” explained Wentworth’s wife, Eileen, “and we know that whatever has become of him in there, he’ll be okay.”  Mrs. Wentworth went on to say that her outdoorsman husband has previously thrived in far more daunting situations, including hiking the Appalachian Trail, climbing in the Rockies, and driving through Atlanta on a weekday afternoon.

Mr. Wentworth, who came to Nashville to visit relatives and see Music City’s renowned 4th of July fireworks display, left his room Saturday to “grab some quick souvenirs” for friends back home.  Since then, he has been sighted a number of times wandering amongst the various shops, performance areas, restaurants, caves, waterfalls, and jungles contained in the Opryland Hotel’s 9 acres of indoor walking trails known as the Atriums.  On one occasion, the wayward traveler is even reported to have boarded the hotel’s riverboat attraction in the desperate hope of being transported out to the residence area or convention center, only to be returned to the same loading dock after a quarter-mile cruise through the Delta Atrium’s artificial waterway.

Photo of David Wentworth, courtesy of his family.

Photo of David Wentworth, courtesy of his family.

Teams deployed early this morning to find Wentworth indicate that they do not feel he is in any immediate danger.  Sid Jackson of Tennessee Task Force One, an urban search-and-rescue team, told reporters “He isn’t at any risk of exposure to the elements, and there are plenty of food sources for him to scavenge from; the Atriums are full of flora that are edible (if not necessarily palatable), as well as several naturally-occurring Moon Pie repositories and steakhouses.  The only real dangers he might face are getting stuck in polite conversation with too many strangers, maxing out his credit card, or startling the wooden horse statues.  However, we expect to find him before any of that can happen; this is what we train for.  Finding a lost tourist is nothing compared to last month when we were tasked with finding a Democrat in Hendersonville.  That one was a legitimate lost cause.”

Meanwhile, Eileen Wentworth says she is encouraged that she has received at least one communication from her husband since he went missing.  “Just this morning,” she says, “he must have gotten his phone charged up again because I got a text.  I think he’s growing weary of the in-house music because he texted ‘I’m sick and tired of all the violins’.  Obviously, he hasn’t gone completely native yet because he isn’t calling them fiddles, but I am worried that when they finally find him, he may be wearing overpriced boots or trying to sign-up for a songwriters’ open-mic night.”

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Opryland Hotel photo found at http://www.visitmusiccity.com/Content/cms/uploads/OprylandInt630.jpg.  Waldo photo found at https://twitter.com/whereswaldo.

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