In a bold move, Nashville’s downtown bars unanimously agreed today to declare all of their back-alley walls as designated for unisex use. The agreement was made in an attempt to avoid any potential future controversy over laws regarding the use of public facilities by transgender individuals.
Herbert Mitchem, a spokesman for the Downtown Bars Association (formerly known as the Davidson Beverage Assembly), praised his colleagues for taking such a historic step towards inclusivity. “It’s a very forward-thinking decision and a shrewd one as well” explained Mitchem in an exclusive interview with The Rhinestone. “Shrewd in that by going unisex, nobody is violating any forthcoming laws regarding gender when walking into a dark alley and drunkenly urinating on the wall. Everybody will now have equal access and rights to disrespectully treat the exteriors of our tourist district’s most distinctive structures as their own personal toilet, be they male or female, cis or trans. I applaud the members of our organization for such a daring and momentous agreement.”
Lawyers for the DBA (dba DBA) state that the new policy will go into effect on July 1st, but Mitchem notes that he doesn’t expect any problems before then. “Nashville is a very friendly city overall, so I don’t anticipate any instances of harassment. We’re the kind of city that generally doesn’t mind what sort of drunk tourist vacates their bladders on our alley walls, so long as you don’t try to shake our hands afterwards without washing your own first. That’s just common southern courtesy.”
Brick wall photo found at https://pixabay.com/en/brick-wall-background-brick-wall-1175224/.