According to reliable reports, local coworker Ralph Brixton is still ranting after nearly 26 hours about Nashville’s seeming inability to competently deal with cold temperatures. Sources indicate that the 43-year-old mid-level employee has already cycled through each of his talking points on the subject no less than seven times each, yet continues to loudly discuss each of them with nobody in particular as though it was the first damn time.
Brixton, currently employed in the downtown offices of Incorporated Logistics, reportedly moved to Nashville an indeterminate number of years ago from somewhere vaguely north of Music City. It is this upbringing that Brixton is claimed to have repeatedly cited as his basis for knowing that Nashville natives “are total f***ing pansies when it comes to cold weather” and that “Not a single one of these locals would last a day in the REAL cold!”
One witness to the tirade, which began at 8:00am Monday morning and has yet to cease, posted a video of the verbose coworker to their Facebook page. In the video, Brixton can be heard unselfconsciously exclaiming like a moron “I mean, for God’s sake, you get one measely cold snap and suddenly you people cancel school for two days! Because why? You’re worried about your kids freezing at the bus stop? Hell, my sister and I may as well have came out of the womb wearing mittens and scarves and we practically rode dogsleds to school. Did they ever cancel for us? Of course not! You southerners don’t realize how good you have it. You’re such wimps! I bet not a one of you has ever even heard of letting your faucet drip to keep the pipes from freezing. Hmph, amateurs.”
Though nobody seemed to be the specific, intended audience of the pompous employee’s diatribe, reports indicate that at least 75% of coworkers interviewed had already been unwilling recipients of the expatriate northerner’s remarks; of that group, at least 90% also indicated they were perfectly willing to tell Brixton exactly what he could do with his remarks.
Picture of coworker found at http://bestcollegehunt.com/article/All/tips-to-handle-grumpy-co-worker.