Metro Davidson County Vice Mayor Diane Neighbors publicly urged Nashville businesses and government agencies to remain calm today as Mayor Karl Dean remains in a food coma for the third day. Meanwhile, Vanderbilt gastroenterologists who are monitoring Dean remained non-commital on just how long the Mayor’s food coma may last.
“It would be irresponsible for us to guess when his condition may change” explained Dr. Phillip Harmon of Vanderbilt Medical Center’s special Thanksgiving Recovery Task Force. “All indications point to Mayor Dean having four times the normal level of turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce in his system than a normal person, and his sweet potato and chess pie readings are, frankly, off the charts. Also, he’s remained unresponsive to any stimuli other than football games and reruns of old TV shows. I remain hopeful that he’ll come out of it, but with indicators like these, I can’t say if it will be in a week, in an hour, or in a month. Only time and metabolism can help him now.”
Metro Davidson Mayor Karl Dean was discovered Friday morning in a severe food coma, which Vandy specialists think may have been the result of a previously undiagnosed midnight snack following a long period of heavy dining on Thursday evening. Shortly after the Mayor was admitted to a very comfortable chair, Vice Mayor Diane Neighbors was sworn in as the acting Mayor of Nashville and surrounding areas.
“I don’t wish to see this situation be the cause of any instability in the marketplace” said Neighbors at a press conference this morning. “Effective immediately, I’m instituting a price-freeze on all gasoline and food prices in the Metro Davidson area. There will be no price gouging on my watch. Please know that your Metro government is fully operational, and all citizens and businesses should go about their usual routine like normal. As for Mayor Dean and his family, please keep them in your thoughts and know that he’s receiving the finest possible medical observation and antacids.”
Mayor Dean picture found at http://nashvillearts.com/2013/08/29/favorite-painting-karl-dean/. Diane Neighbors picture found at http://www.zimbio.com/photos/Diane+Neighbors.